An immigrants prayer

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Lord cure me of jealousy,
The jealousy I feel when they say they are taking a drive home.
Lord cure me of whimsy,
That makes me daydream of seeing my family.
Lord cure me of resentment,
Of working holidays because I have no one to spend them with.
Lord cure me of vulnerability,
Of wanting to hold on to mediocre advantage takers and users.
Lord give me the strength,
To hold on to my roots and morals.
Lord give me the hope,
That one day I will feel grounded.
Lord give me purpose,
Which gives me focus and determination.
Lord give me peace,
To know I count, I belong and I count.

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He is a Man!

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It’s an old story

He hit her

Beat her down

Maybe to assert his masculinity

I mean, what makes you a man like beating a woman?

Show them who is boss

Kick them while they are down

And do it in front of your children so they can know their place

She cowered

Deep in her corner

Reiterated her pain

Reiterated her shame

It’s a familiar story

His litter has failed him

Maybe if he invests in his second litter?

Surely his genes will pan out?!

I am confused

What does your litter’s personal success

Have to do with your personal failures?

Encore of my Life

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Why did I come?

I am not sure

Why an old mask?

Maybe I am insecure

I have lost a friend and now chasing a shadow

Next I will be talking to ghosts

And communing with spirits

Now to say my hellos, and goodbyes

I feel his eyes on me

Flights of fancy

I imagine slate gray eyes

On a dead pan face behind a phantom mask

I could swear I feel those eyes caressing me

Making me instantly glow behind my intricate mask

It’s time to go, I cannot take this wishing

While I turn, tears in my eyes, you step up to me

Arm drawn out like I belong to thee

As though on cue , the waltz takes off for you

My mind hesitates

But my traitorous body has already fit itself to you

Flawlessly, like lingerie to a harlot’s hips

The world subsides and it’s just you and me

There will be hell to pay but I rest my head on your shoulder anyway

Between us, there is no arms length

Propriety be damned I need a memory to take home with me

I breath in, but wait a minute could it be?

Full of wonder and confusion as you say that name you have for me

Said with  a reverence and wonder that make me want it to be

Making short work of your mask and mine

Looking at me your noisy eyes speaking volumes

How could I not know? How could I not see?

You shatter my life by tying me to thee

For an extended moment I am floating on a cloud of ecstasy

The silence in the room pulls the blanket from under me

I beseech the world to open up and swallow me

The shock and disapproval

Such displays are simply not done

As I hide my face in your shirt wanting to crawl underneath you cloak

You step up without missing a beat

“Although its been long in coming

I am a happy man as you all can see

I am proud to present you future Queen,

My wife if she will have me!”

My world has stopped

Life is so unreal!

Would destiny give me my friend and my mate

Wrapped in dashing phantom

Surely for a homely lass such as me?

If the crowd has a say, I guess she did!

Last Dance of the season

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I walk into this ballroom

Unsure and uncertain

My last chance to unabashedly hold you

Last call at my favorite tavern

Masked ball of intricate proportions

Dimmed lamps for maximum misbehavior

A steamy, torrid affair really

Every Duke Duchess Lord and Lady worth their salts

Donned in jewels worth their weight in gold

Preening and contemptuous

As royalty should be

Mothers hunting me down with their school room escapees

Trying to end my bachelor days

Not knowing in my heart I have been married to you three years to the day

Standing at the balcony eagerly awaiting your arrival

Composed and stately with a condescending air

An effective facade as I watch many a chit swoon in fear

I see your carriage and my heart jerks in my chest

Casually I melt into the crowd and don my phantom facade

Tonight I am on a mission

With my heart on my sleeve

It’s you and me

The boisterous noise fades away

Wrapping me in an illusion of simply me and you

I hear the trot and fear that the waltz is upon me

I glimpse you again, fleeting thought, why so forlorn?

You look up eagerly and I fancy that you feel my eyes on you

My confidence shakes and I make sure my mask is in place

I loose sight of you and I stammer, Where are you?

There you are intricate mask from dances past

Deja vu has my arms aching

Seperate Minds

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I am one and twenty

………………………………….She is one and twenty

Over the hill, past my shelf life

………………………………….At her prime, ripe and luscious

A spinster due to my finicky ways

…………………………………A feisty swan among docile ducks

Maybe just a future inductee to the spinster circuit

………………………………..I have to earn her love, I need it!

To be pitied and propositioned

……………………………….I will offer her all my wealth, my life

Maybe become a kept woman

……………………………….My position, my rank, my heart

Maybe traded for rank and dowry

………………………………I will give up my crown if she will have me

Maybe forever chaste like the virgin queen, I shudder

………………………………She can have the world if she wants, will she have me?

Oh well, lets enjoy my twilight years, who knows

…………………………..She holds court in her glory days, so beautiful , ethereal

Maybe my phantom will sweep me off my feet one day

……………………………I will fight to call her mine someday

My childhood friend, standing companion

…………………………..The love of my life, my heart

Sometimes I wonder if I stand between him and love

…………………………Does she love me, would I make her happy

I dread the day a lass catches his fancy

………………………..I shudder to think someone else could make her happy

For then who would laugh with me? Hold me or dance with me?

………………..Another man touching, holding or even sit by her feet

Call me selfish but I need him free to be with me

…………I would have to leave, retire to the country for with this I cannot live

I will be brave though, if I lose him I will be brave

………………If she finds someone I will wish her well, and wish him death

What if he were he? What a twist that would be!

…………………Maybe go over her head and ask for her hand from her sire

Off we go again, a smile firmly on my face

……….. The world intrudes again, maybe tonight I can steal another dance

What is this? He won’t dance with me? I am upset

…………………………………..I cannot do it! Destiny has broken me

Phantom standing between him and me

…………..That eager expectation as she  looks for him in the crowd and not me

Since the masked ball he won’t touch me

………………………………………I went to her and she walked away from me

Will barely look at me at all

………………………………………….not looking back, walked away from me

Trembling at the sight of me

…………………………….It’s so hard, my body shakes from wanting thee

Is his broken heart taking him away from me?

…………………My heavy heart needs to get away from this

Or maybe find with whom I am meant to be?

Monotony of my existance

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I swear I am at my wit’s end

Suitors patrolling the revolving door that is the dowry coffers

Like sharks sniffing out bleeding prey

Interrupting the gentle monotony that is my existence

As I am primed and prodded

Padded and powdered

For another tea

With another madam

God forbid I declare my preference to read

Maybe sit for a sip of sherry and a lively rapport

About politics no less

Oh, but it’s just not done

The highlight of my day

A dear childhood friend

Dashing specimen of masculinity

Who lets me laugh from the belly, curse and sip sherry

Argue my point, roll me eyes and be friendly

He regaled me with tales of his escapades and adventures

Lies to me about how special it would have been, had I been

Today though, I do not hang on his every word

His presence makes my mind wonder to another man

A special someone

A phantom of sorts

My one dance phantom

Distracted I ask

As only he I can ask

Have you ever met someone who ruins your life

By making you feel alive

Wrecks havoc on your life

With an effort not worth two pence

Have you ever lived a moment

That turns out to be your defining moment?

It simply won’t do

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I remember when I left you your arms

A giggling mess of mass hysteria

Behind a flawless facade of impeccable decorum

Swooning and acting like a complete  simpleton simply won’t do

Holding onto the whimsical moments

When my life, the earth and time stood still to acknowledge you

Bidding adieu and a tout a lheur

With a pleasant smile and a curtsy

I feel your eyes on me, willing me to look back

Every step away from you is a crime against nature

My heart breaks a little more with every footfall in the wrong direction

My carriage awaits me, as it should

At the edge of this crime scene

Cool nods, footmen and footstools later

The ridiculous affair of arranging me in my carriage

God forbid the crease is out of place or the lace lays wrong

In this pitch black ride

It’s just not done!

Like an orphan child at Christmas

I want to press my powdered nose to the carriage window

Maybe get a glance of you

Instead I sit here, head high, back straight, shoulders back

Like a sentry one would state; Society dictates

No slumping young lady! It’s just not done

The closer I get to my Golden tower

The more ridiculous my inner turmoil seems

Surely weakness of the flesh is beneath me

Such a common affliction

Surely I will let this pass

This ridiculous flight of fancy

…”will I ever see you again?”

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