Self Indulgance

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I like to think myself an artist

Words my medium

Inspired by flights of fancy

Writing in a rhythm; Like dancing

Going through mellow lows and explosive highs

Most of the time even I don’t know what I have to say

So feel free to enjoy my many a canvass

And please feel free to excuse my eccentricities

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Three Minute Pause

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It was a regular day

Nothing spectacular really about it

And then you came to see me

Changing any ordinary day to an extraordinary experience

On this day you took a pause when you saw me

Paused like you were awed by me

Hugged me a little longer than necessary

Drank me in like ten-year old wine

And in the middle of this special day

You held me in your arms

Cupped my cheeks in your hands

Got real close and breathed my breath

I waited for the kiss that was sure to come

But you stood there

Me on my tiptoes

Reaching up to you

Hips to my hips

Chest to my breast

Mouth slightly open

And the world stopped

Took a little pause

Celebrated what we have

Took a collective sigh of applause

It was the change that made my day a special day

That special three-minute pause

Encore of my Life

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Why did I come?

I am not sure

Why an old mask?

Maybe I am insecure

I have lost a friend and now chasing a shadow

Next I will be talking to ghosts

And communing with spirits

Now to say my hellos, and goodbyes

I feel his eyes on me

Flights of fancy

I imagine slate gray eyes

On a dead pan face behind a phantom mask

I could swear I feel those eyes caressing me

Making me instantly glow behind my intricate mask

It’s time to go, I cannot take this wishing

While I turn, tears in my eyes, you step up to me

Arm drawn out like I belong to thee

As though on cue , the waltz takes off for you

My mind hesitates

But my traitorous body has already fit itself to you

Flawlessly, like lingerie to a harlot’s hips

The world subsides and it’s just you and me

There will be hell to pay but I rest my head on your shoulder anyway

Between us, there is no arms length

Propriety be damned I need a memory to take home with me

I breath in, but wait a minute could it be?

Full of wonder and confusion as you say that name you have for me

Said with  a reverence and wonder that make me want it to be

Making short work of your mask and mine

Looking at me your noisy eyes speaking volumes

How could I not know? How could I not see?

You shatter my life by tying me to thee

For an extended moment I am floating on a cloud of ecstasy

The silence in the room pulls the blanket from under me

I beseech the world to open up and swallow me

The shock and disapproval

Such displays are simply not done

As I hide my face in your shirt wanting to crawl underneath you cloak

You step up without missing a beat

“Although its been long in coming

I am a happy man as you all can see

I am proud to present you future Queen,

My wife if she will have me!”

My world has stopped

Life is so unreal!

Would destiny give me my friend and my mate

Wrapped in dashing phantom

Surely for a homely lass such as me?

If the crowd has a say, I guess she did!

Last Dance of the season

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I walk into this ballroom

Unsure and uncertain

My last chance to unabashedly hold you

Last call at my favorite tavern

Masked ball of intricate proportions

Dimmed lamps for maximum misbehavior

A steamy, torrid affair really

Every Duke Duchess Lord and Lady worth their salts

Donned in jewels worth their weight in gold

Preening and contemptuous

As royalty should be

Mothers hunting me down with their school room escapees

Trying to end my bachelor days

Not knowing in my heart I have been married to you three years to the day

Standing at the balcony eagerly awaiting your arrival

Composed and stately with a condescending air

An effective facade as I watch many a chit swoon in fear

I see your carriage and my heart jerks in my chest

Casually I melt into the crowd and don my phantom facade

Tonight I am on a mission

With my heart on my sleeve

It’s you and me

The boisterous noise fades away

Wrapping me in an illusion of simply me and you

I hear the trot and fear that the waltz is upon me

I glimpse you again, fleeting thought, why so forlorn?

You look up eagerly and I fancy that you feel my eyes on you

My confidence shakes and I make sure my mask is in place

I loose sight of you and I stammer, Where are you?

There you are intricate mask from dances past

Deja vu has my arms aching

Her ignorance is not his bliss

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With a bittersweet smile he gazed at me

Looking like he had something he had to say to me

In my mind I wondered who his girl would be

This friend of mine who is the best there can be

Flesh and blood and loyal to a fault

If I were a man and he a lady, I would court him so.

-.-

I look at her, perfect as can be

I look at her and wonder what could be

I look at her and need to say

“Have you ever known that your plus one

Is the one?

Have you ever wanted to walk into a room

with her on your arm?

Have you ever wanted someone so much

It left a bruise on your heart?

Have you ever held the love of your whole life in your arms

Knowing you had to let go?

Hoping for a sign, a nod, an acknowledgement

With non forthcoming!

Have you ever had to sit back

While others threw their hats in the ring

While in your heart of hearts

You know that between you and she

It was meant to be

Have you ever wanted to be the sparkle in your person’s eye

See your face in your love’s child

Because I have, I do every day!”

-.-

With fleeting sadness and sorrow only I could see on his face

He proceeds to laugh of my heartfelt dismay!

“I am the rake of rakes, i would not know of such nonesense

My heart belongs to only you my love”

Was he serious ?

I don’t know

But why were his lips curved but his eyes so sad?

Looking like a man of acute illness of amore

Utterly perplexed I asked my friend

For there is no secrets between us

“Who is this lady holder of your heart?”

I would go and plead his case

Or petition for his heart release

Surely she must be ignorant not knowing she denies him his bliss

Even before my phantom there was always him

No red blooded woman could help but love him it seems.

Monotony of my existance

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I swear I am at my wit’s end

Suitors patrolling the revolving door that is the dowry coffers

Like sharks sniffing out bleeding prey

Interrupting the gentle monotony that is my existence

As I am primed and prodded

Padded and powdered

For another tea

With another madam

God forbid I declare my preference to read

Maybe sit for a sip of sherry and a lively rapport

About politics no less

Oh, but it’s just not done

The highlight of my day

A dear childhood friend

Dashing specimen of masculinity

Who lets me laugh from the belly, curse and sip sherry

Argue my point, roll me eyes and be friendly

He regaled me with tales of his escapades and adventures

Lies to me about how special it would have been, had I been

Today though, I do not hang on his every word

His presence makes my mind wonder to another man

A special someone

A phantom of sorts

My one dance phantom

Distracted I ask

As only he I can ask

Have you ever met someone who ruins your life

By making you feel alive

Wrecks havoc on your life

With an effort not worth two pence

Have you ever lived a moment

That turns out to be your defining moment?

It simply won’t do

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I remember when I left you your arms

A giggling mess of mass hysteria

Behind a flawless facade of impeccable decorum

Swooning and acting like a complete¬† simpleton simply won’t do

Holding onto the whimsical moments

When my life, the earth and time stood still to acknowledge you

Bidding adieu and a tout a lheur

With a pleasant smile and a curtsy

I feel your eyes on me, willing me to look back

Every step away from you is a crime against nature

My heart breaks a little more with every footfall in the wrong direction

My carriage awaits me, as it should

At the edge of this crime scene

Cool nods, footmen and footstools later

The ridiculous affair of arranging me in my carriage

God forbid the crease is out of place or the lace lays wrong

In this pitch black ride

It’s just not done!

Like an orphan child at Christmas

I want to press my powdered nose to the carriage window

Maybe get a glance of you

Instead I sit here, head high, back straight, shoulders back

Like a sentry one would state; Society dictates

No slumping young lady! It’s just not done

The closer I get to my Golden tower

The more ridiculous my inner turmoil seems

Surely weakness of the flesh is beneath me

Such a common affliction

Surely I will let this pass

This ridiculous flight of fancy

…”will I ever see you again?”

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