Stories from a struggling mum

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I have incidents that make up my life. I will share these incidents. I will exaggerate, obsess and wallow in my self righteousness because it’s my space, my release and my medium. Some of these are your stories, I will tell them in a first person voice. Let’s get started.

She is my everything. The reason I wake up in the morning. I didn’t know what to expect or even conjure up. She is perfect. Unfortunately she is also mine.

I get home expecting a hero’s welcome every day. I get disappointed almost every day. She has me hooked on those blue moon days when she comes full speed ahead at me with her chunky cheeks jiggling, dimples dimpling and arms wide open. Sometimes she will acknowledge me by raising her face up from her iPad (stop judging me) other times she won’t even twitch. Once I asked her for a hug. The gave me the Heisman and said, “no thank you.” I slinked into my room and sobbed pathetically into my pillow for two minutes. ( because she is almost two) then I realized she used that short phrase in context! My baby is a bonafied genius who is fiercely independent. I am raising the next Einstein.


Let me explain

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Let me explain why the soft and supple curve of my hip is not affected by the rigid stance of your opinion

Or why the smile on my face doesn’t waver due to the scowl you wield like a light saber 

Better yet why your huffing and puffing never has me out or breath

Why your opinion on my life choices, though shouted from the mountain tops has never changed the stripes on this tiger

Let me explain why you are a non factor when you dedicate the small factor that is your life to my existence 

Why your petty competition with Yourself lacks a participant in me

It is because I now understand you, you humor me and I love you

I don’t want you to change but in your rigidity, let happiness find you

Let disappointment motivate but never bind you

Look forward to and revel in the best version of you

Because in my usual fashion I will wallow in my soft curves, peculiar and wayward ways

Memorabilia of a wounded past

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Recently I acquired a new mantra,

“It’s not a good time”

It opened old wounds bandaged in achievement and accolades 

Like a deep ulcer that has gone unattended

I had a visceral reaction

Lashed out and reacted

I have thought about it now

Looked at the damage and prescribed a treatment plan 

Reminded myself why and how I am the woman I am

Took stock and refocused

Do your best and move on

Take responsibility only for what you are responsible for

Let the chips fall where they will

My Main Man Edward

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I know a special man Edward

You don’t know him, he is mine

I won’t share him, he holds my heart

He left me not too long ago on a new year day

I like to think with a twinkle in his eye 

And that smile that’s only his

I like to think because I left him too long

Went to blaze a path I thought

Only to realize he paved it for me

But let me tell you about my mischief man

My sweetheart 

My person

My inspiration and hero

His mischief couldn’t be held in heaven

He came back in Edward style

To champion new cause and heal old wounds

Welcome Edward

You are a special soul

Maybe this time I show you a thing or two 

Open letter to my partner 

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I am flawed

More than most

I am wary

Even when I shouldn’t be

I am difficult 

To my dismay I am

I will care for you

The only way I know how

I won’t always come to you

Forgive me now

I will fight for us

For as long as I am here

I know it’s a journey

Let’s go enjoy the view

Letter to my baby

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I love you

Simple to say but hard to express to you

I feel my love’s magnitude is lost in these profoundly simple words

I feel you will never understand how much I love you

When I say I love you

I mean my kidney is yours if you need it

Even my heart if you need it

I will push myself to see you achieve it

I love you for your toothy smile

I love you

More than I thought I could love you

Enough that even your flaws I love too

I have no other way to say but,”I love you!”

I have a Treasure 

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She is buried under my breast

Grows stronger each day

My best friend and partner

I see you moving in my womb

I feel you hugging my spirit best

I have no secrets from you

We can’t be parted

I love you Peanette

Today and always

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